Controlling Control

[GUEST POST] written by Jessica Shaver

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I am a control freak. I imagine my life and situations that I might encounter and make plans for how I would handle it. I then make a backup plan. After that, I make a back up to my back up, and so on. One might go so far as to say I may be borderline crazy. There are several rational reasons for this though: 1) I want to be prepared and make good decisions  2) I am a dreamer.

These personality traits may seem to be in conflict as it is hard to imagine someone being an insane planner and also a dreamer, but I am also an eternal optimist and a hopeless romantic. I am such a girl.

None of these personality traits that I have been given are weaknesses, but instead are strengths when used as intended. My plan for myself included marrying the man of my dreams, buying a house, having two dogs and a cat, and then three or four children. My life has proceeded right according to schedule, but with a bonus. The love of my life came with an adorable four year old daughter whom I promptly fell in love with as well.  Everything has gone according to plan with the exception of the three to four kids; I am stuck at just one.  The longer that we go on without more children, the more I feel like my life is out of control. I keep allowing this one missing puzzle piece to have an adverse effect on my overall happiness.

I attempt to control the situation instead of acknowledging that God may have His own dream for me.

Why is this? It’s because as women, we are dreamers and doers. We don’t sit around waiting for our dreams to come true, we go out, take control, and make things happen for ourselves. If something is broken, we fix it. In doing this, we can fool ourselves into thinking that we are creating our own destiny and truly are in control.

I wonder how much damage we are doing to our overall happiness though, and how far we are pushing ourselves away from God in the process.

If we continue to push our own agendas and plans in order to “live the dream,” what other dreams are we missing out on? If God’s plan is perfect, then how imperfect is my own? One of the gifts that God has given us as women is to love fiercely and have a heart full of hope. His intention was for our hope to be in Him, but we have skewed it to place our hope in our own lost causes.

  • What might your life be like if you placed your hope in Him and allowed Him to dream His dream in your life?
  • What other gifts have you been given that you have turned into flaws?
  • How can we retrain our controlling nature to be more accepting of things that we cannot control?

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